there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
