i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
