That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
