It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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