Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
