I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
