Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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