that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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