I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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