Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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