Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
