Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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