I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
