sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
