She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
