He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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