Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize