I will die if light touches me.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
