god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
