This is not my ceiling
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
