Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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