He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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