How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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