I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
