Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
