after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
