Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
