a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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