I accidentally burped into my bong.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
