The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
