I wish I only lived at night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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