No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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