More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
