I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
