the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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