Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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