If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
