Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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