I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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