Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Im part way to drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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