Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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