I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
