1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs