if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I could make wine with my vomit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.