Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.