Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat