Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.