I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
