Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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