she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
