oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
