He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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