I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize