Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
