dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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