Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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