he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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