So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
