we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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