YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
