So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
