She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
