Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
