I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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