Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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