i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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