i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
