walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
