this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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